Thinking

Over time I have become more grateful for the addicts and alcoholics who relapse and the lessons they teach me. They remind me where we can be in a heart beat should we make the decision to pick up again. When we are using we do not want to take responsibility for anything including our self. Our minds at the time blame everyone else for the problems we are having. It is never on us. We get to see this with people in early recovery who are still locked in to they way we think when we are using. We want to do it our way because we 'know' we are 'right'. What I have learned is to practice daily and not make any assumptions of being cured. I laugh out loud when I see the commercial for the 'cure'. The way my mind works is the thought of the cure. If I can be cured then that must mean I can drink and use again. Fortunately, having practiced non-thinking, my awareness laughs at my insanity at such a thought.

My diseased thinking has progressed over the years of being clean and sober. The difference today is all of the tools available to me, well worn over the years, to use to keep me out of my head. The number one tool is prayer, it is difficult to have any thoughts, especially ones leading to my down fall, when you are praying. My sponsor always told me to call him if 'I' have a good idea and if 'I' have a great idea to call 3 other addicts and alcoholics.

Through the maze of recovery is one hard core basic tenet which is the only requirement for membership is a 'desire' to stop drinking and or using. Without the desire and the willingness to do 'what every it takes' we are lost. You do not have to want recovery, you 'get to' have recovery.