Early Recovery

One of the things I remember about my early recovery is being told not to forget what it was like detoxing. At the time I was so messed up I did not know you could go to detox let alone treatment. The reality at the time was I had burned so many bridges, that even if I had known, no one would have offered to help. Many days coming off of speed felt like worms were crawling under my skin. My addict brain was telling me to rip off my skin and or use to get rid of the worms. What I did was hold on to my tail feathers, went to meetings, called my sponsor, worked the steps and talked to other addicts. The sober living I was in at the time was not the best or the worse. What I remember is how grateful I was to have a roof over my head, a bathroom and a bed. There were many people around me still using and relapsing almost daily. I didn't care because I was blessed with the desire to stay clean and sober.

It has been a long path since those days. I never forget them or forget I can be back there in a heart beat should I decide to do it my way again. I remember daily that my way didn't work and my way took everything from me. The most important thing taken from me was myself. What is beautiful is as long as I don't pickup again I don't have to lose me ever again, just today. All the things I did in my early recovery to stay clean and sober I still do today.

I have been to hell, lived in hell and if I do not pickup again I don't have to go back.