Reality

When we pay attention to the reality of addiction we learn lessons daily. This past week in I ran into a fellow addicted who at 10AM was unable to stay awake while I was talking to him. Later in the day he was taken by ambulance to San Clemente Hospital. The sad commentary is he needs medically managed detox and getting medically managed detox when you are homeless is quite difficult. You can get hard core come off the booze or drugs detox without medication and if you have a seizure you will be taken to the hospital, only if you have a seizure. The sad part is we can get this person medical detox yet he is not ready to stop drinking. He does not want to get sober.

This morning I ran in to a neighbor who told me about the 'good' time he had last night only he can't remember what he did or who he did it with last night. This is the same neighbor I saw two weeks ago at 8AM all ready drunk and heading back to the bar.

I am grateful for these gentlemen for they teach me where I can be in a heart beat should my ego decide I can drink and use again. Our disease never quits. What I hear all of the time and heard again last Friday is 'I thought I could control' my using. My question is always 'why would you want to control your using'. If we are going to use, lets not pretend, let's use. What is beautiful is as long as we don't pickup today we don't have to go there.

The longer I am clean and sober, the worse my disease becomes. What is different today is I have the tools of recovery. When my disease shows up I call my sponsor. If I have a good idea I call another addict. If I have a great idea I call 3 other addicts. When WE discuss my idea or my great idea We decide I am 'nuts' and we can let go of the idea. I've learned to pray, take my disease to a meeting, to work the steps when my disease shows up and to call another addict and or write about my disease. All of these tools take the power out of the disease. We need to take the power out of our disease because we are powerless over our disease.