Family

I have worked a long time in the field of addiction. The lessons I learn from families are invaluable. They teach me, like the addict, how strong the disease of addiction is. They have become hooked on the drama of rescuer. We all sometimes get the delusion we can some how save the addict from themselves, if we just get them back into treatment just one more time they will be saved. What I experience is families working harder for their family member then the family member is working. Families somehow think their family member is incapable of helping themselves, until you remind them of the fact, if their family member wanted drugs no matter what they would find them. The fact being, the addict could be strung out, with no transportation and they would find a way to get drugs.

All too often I have watch people get clean when the family finally said no to them. When the family finally said go to the Salvation Army and call me when you get 6 months clean. As long as the family is willing to rescue the addict the cycle of addiction will continue.

What we do when we help one another is teaching the lesson of no. Teaching that no is a complete sentence. When we learn to set boundaries with the addict then the game and our part of the cycle are over. People tell me it is difficult to say no and I say to them it is more difficult to go to a funeral.

We teach one another to change the dream. Change the dream of your family member being out there in their addiction. Change the dream of you fantasy as savior and surrender to keeping your self centered and ready when your family member reaches out to you.

Mortality

The pain the disease causes is a ripple not affecting the addict; it is their family and friends. My brother passed away recently just after my visit with him. When I first was clean and sober, he had four years sober and then started to drink again so his wife at the time would not have to drink alone. These are one of the millions of excuses we make daily if we want to go back to denial and start using again. My brother had multiple operations before he died and was placed on Oxycontin. He mixed this with alcohol a nice combination.

Ever day I mourn his loss. He had two bronze stars and was buried with full military honors. I did fine during the ceremony until they played taps. The Universe has allowed me to live and gather some time clean and sober. I am grateful for the gift. At the same time I have heard hundreds of excuses as to why the individual chose one more time to use. The Ego's defiance in its disease is 'It won't happen to me' attitude. Way too many times have we received the 2AM call telling us once more another addict didn't make it back from 'One more time'. I am powerless over all those who choose to pick-up again. What we can do is continue to keep the seat warm and not use just today.

I have seen the devastation of the parents after the fact. Their pain rips your heart out. We never think about any one noticing we are gone. One more lie we tell ourselves. My ego wants to scream, my path teaches me to surrender and accept the Plan is perfect.