Drunk Driving

One key to recovery is accepting responsibility for our actions. Just because your are and addict/alcoholic your behavior is not justified. There is a saying 'if you do the crime, you do the time' yet some how we forget this. Mr. Gallo was convicted today of 3 counts of second degree murder; gross bodily injury, driving on a suspended  license and one felony count of hit and run. His actions killed three people, Nick Adenhart, Courtney Stuart and Nigel Person. He cut short the lives of three young people just starting on their journey and caused a former Cal State baseball player John Wilhite severe damage. I remember that there but for God's grace go you or I. We have no excuse. Mr. Gallo has 2 prior DUI's and had attended alcohol classes as part of his probation and signed a sworn statement in court that drinking and driving could be fatal. He knew the consequences of drinking and driving. 


The reality is it is not okay to know the consequences. You have a responsibility to change your actions. You can either stop drinking, 'what a concept', or take a cab. There is no excuse for drinking and then getting behind the wheel of a vehicle. I will continue to pray for all the people involved in this tragic accident. Mr. Gallo should be put away for life in my book. Maybe one day he will 'come to' and realize the destruction he has rendered in his selfishness. Maybe then he will reach out to others and be of service to them.

Another one

I got a call last night, the kind of call that after being in recovery for sometime and working in the treatment industry you come to expect, which is sad. A young man, college student, brilliant and caring is no longer with us. He went through treatment, reading  his physics books and did everything we asked him to do except to stay a little longer. From the outside he looked like a conservative walking down the street, a normal looking straight arrow kind of kid. His insides were torn up from the life he had been through. Apparently he tried it one more time. Sadly his parents found him dead in the bathroom the next morning.

This is what we do to ourselves. Our ego tells us we can't take the pain, that life isn't worth living clean and sober so we go for it one more time. Over the years that I have been clean and sober my ego has taught me many lessons. The number one lesson is that my ego is lying to me. When my ego shows up I call my sponsor or someone else in the program. I work my steps and I go to a meeting. At the meeting I announce to the group that my ego/disease has shown up one more time. My ego/disease does not like my sponsor, the steps or a meeting.

I pray everyday that we do not have to lose another person to this disease. My cell phone number is 949.510.3845. Call me 24/7 before you pickup. I would rather be awaken at 4AM because you don't want to get loaded than at 4AM to find out you aren't with us any more.

Clean Again

I have a few friends that have relapsed and or had a reuse and have saddled back up into recovery. I am grateful they are still with us today. What is great to see and experience is the freshness of gratitude in someone newly clean. It is important for me to hear, once more, that using has not gotten any better out there. The one friend drank and the same day ended up in jail. The other friend drank and lost her housing and her job in a short time frame. I have heard and seen that story over and over again. 


The one friend, thought, her first clue, that she could drink normally. That lasted a minute. The other friend was angry so he was going to show how angry he was by destroying himself. That is what we do to ourselves. We are upset with another so we hurt ourselves. The sad part is the person we are using at has no clue we are angry. 


During the minute or two that I have been clean and sober I have learned how powerful my addiction is and that it has one goal which is to kill me. My disease wears many hats, will show up out of nowhere and will tell me what ever lie it thinks will get me to pick up again. When that happens I say a prayer, work the first three steps and call a fellow addict. When we talk about my idea, we decide that I am crazy and that we need to go in another direction.

Trying

I keep running into people and talking with people who tell me they are trying to quit. That is the lie we tell ourselves when we want to perpetrate our continued use. The below the line is you are using or you are not using. One does not try to stop you stop period. What many fail  to recognize is that by ourselves there is no stopping. Each day will bring a new lie as to why we can put off stopping until tomorrow. However tomorrow never arrives. Together, as one, we can get clean and sober. We reach out and talk with another alcoholic and addict who has been where we are and understands what we are going through. Additionally they can share with us their experience, strength and hope. 


I have learned over the years that I either use or don't use. There is no in-between for me. Today I chose not to use. Just today, I make no promises about tomorrow. I will be the best that I can be today, one day at a time. It is important that we start with respecting ourselves. When we start to respect ourselves we will no longer lie to us which in-turn means we will not lie to one another.

Excuses

We as addicts are pros at making excuses for our addiction and continued use. What amazes me is how we will get angry with someone then use that as a reason to use.  The way we perceive things we tell ourselves "I am angry at you, so I am going to hurt me." That is the level of insanity that we reach when we are deep into our addiction. Over the years I have paid attention to what happens when  one of us has a reuse. Inevitably the Universe reminds us immediately that we have a problem.

I have a friend who got angry and decided to drink again. He went an purchased food and was sitting in his car, keys in the ignition, eating. He was arrested for a DUI. This was the same day that he drank. I have heard this scenario over and over again. 

One of the things my friend shared with me is that he 'thought' that he had beat his disease 'forever.' When we spoke about it I shared that if I had to stay clean and sober forever I wouldn't make it and that I stayed clean and sober just today. 

When I first got clean and sober, if they had told me I had to stay clean and sober forever, I would not have  made it. My mind at the time would have 'thought' that that is way too long of a time frame. All that we have is today, just today. Tomorrow is another story.