The Dragon

I watched a friend yesterday strung out one more time. He is no longer Hip, Slick or Cool. He is 39 a new father and he has older children. The sad part is he doesn't want to change and is playing the  'poor me' card. We have all been there where we do not care about any person, place or thing other than our next fix. I pray for our friend because I am not sure he will make it back and or forward to living life. 


I have been clean and sober a minute or two and in that time I have seen more people not make it than make it. The dragon is always with us and the dragons breathe is a powerful aphrodisiac. It seduces us into thinking we can drink and use like 'normal' people. My first question to myself is 'Why would I want to do that?' drink and use like a 'normal person. You know and I know that if we are drinking and or using it is going to be hell bent for death.


We spoke to a friend who's bottom came when he was thrown off of a 3 story parking garage. He no longer has the use of his one eye and he is alive. He now has 2 years and 4 months clean and  sober. I will continue to pray for our friend who is still using and work to set up an intervention and treatment for him. The sad part is he may not be ready to change.

Head in the Sand

I watch daily as families put their head in the sand and take a long journey down a river in Egypt called denial. Meanwhile addicts in their active addiction are on the same trip. Neither party is aware that they are lost in a sea of despair and death. Neither side has any idea what the other is going through. The family, wife, significant other wants the addicted back in their life. At times they are so afraid of not having them in their life they will allow the insane behavior of the addict to continue in the bad faith illusion of 'still being together' which in reality only reinforces their continued use. 


Addicts play on this dynamic, out of the lie, to continue using. Stopping appears as a non-option for them. The hope for the family is they will get their heads out of denial, set a boundary and no longer support the addict in their insanity. The addict will do one of four things, they will get arrested, go to a mental institution, die or get clean. There is no in-between.


If we continue to cosign the insanity of addiction then all we will get back is insanity. We are all responsible for our choices. We can chose to live or chose to die. 

Time

I received a gift yesterday. A mother who lost a son to an overdose sent me a picture of her youngest son. He is finally coming up on 9 months clean and sober. He has been in treatment the entire time. The change in him physically is amazing. He goes from looking like a emaciated little kid to a grown man. 


His brother was not as lucky. He had everything going for him. He was going to meetings, had a sponsor, was working the steps and being of service to others. He was also about to turn pro as an extreme wrestler. One night after work he decided to go for it one more time. He started drinking and then moved on to the real 'stuff'. We found him dead in his room the next morning.


What was far worse than finding him dead was the next day when his family came to collect his things. I felt like my heart was being ripped out and eaten in front of me. His parents, brother and grandmother were beyond devastation. 


We never think of the ripples in the pond when we use. We are looking for the good time, not the look on our parents, friends, significant others faces when they are told we have overdosed. Remember the ripples the next time you want to use.

Treatment Design

We are developing a new treatment program. We are looking for videos, anonymous or not,  telling your stories of recovery. If you are interested contact me at docsunhawk@gmail.com and we will send you a release form.

Grow up

It galls me to see an addict who is a 'movie' star treated differently then the rest of us. There is an old saying 'if you do the crime you must do the time.' If you or I were told to go to drug classes or Outpatient treatment and we had 3 years to get it done or we were going back to jail; it would be done. This would be in spite of possibly still using while doing the class. The judge would have locked us up on the first violation, not 3 years later with multiple chances. I have been to drug court and watched as individuals were arrested on the spot and taken to jail. 


At some point in our addiction we get to grow up and to take responsibility for our actions. We can not blame any one else nor can we whine about the outcome. We do it to our selves. I will pray for the person who may or may not get released from jail in the next day or two. I will pray that they get it and don't die of an overdose. When you are in a bag at the coroners no one cares who you 'thought' you were.