Help

We received a call today for an individual that needs detox. The problem is he has no money. Why as a society if an individual wants help, needs help is entitled to being help they can not get the help they need? When we had our sober living house we would give beds away to help someone who was willing to do the footwork and start to pay us back. Many times they weren't able to pay us back and they were able to get back on their feet all because someone was willing to reach out a hand. About the only place you can do that today is the Salvation Army and Brother Benno's in Oceanside, CA and Charlie Street in Costa Mesa.

I pray there are others. However, if you are coming off prescription drugs and or alcohol, in many cases you need a medical detox. Try and get one, at least in California. We are all on this planet together, no matter how important we think we are, we are one. There for the grace of your Higher Power, go you or I.

Isn't about time we start to give a damn about other people? Let me know what you think

Doc

Faith

By the grace of God I have been clean and sober over 16 years now. The Universe has seen fit to allow me to continue to be of service one day at a time. There have been many lessons over the years. One of the most important is to always have faith and to be careful what you ask for from your Higher Power. The entire time I have been clean and sober the Universe has always provided me with food, clothing and shelter.

Yesterday my wife, Rose, was saying the she probably would not receive the regiment coin that had been promised to her by the Battalion Leader. Today I receive a call from an Ensign from the Battalion and he wants directions to our house so that he may drop off the coin.

Each day I stay grateful for the small things, such as breathing and being clean. If we are not breathing and we are not clean nothing else will matter. All of my sponsors have taught me to do the footwork starting with the first step daily. When we do the footwork and stay on our path it is amazing how incredible life is.

Therapeutic Value

There have been so many times during my recovery when by picking up the phone, going to a meeting, talking with my sponsor or helping another addict. What ever problem 'I thought' I had was no longer a problem. I have learned that by myself I am a dangerous person. My idea will be to wreck havoc and chaos upon the land. That will be my best thinking which is what got me here in the first place. When I reach out and talk with another addict WE decide that I am totally crazy at that moment in time and then WE have a good laugh at our insanity.

I read today about a Doctor who when his wife told him he was drinking too much at home, he took his alcohol to the office and drank there. According to him it made perfect sense to him. We have a disease of perception. We have an Ego that will tell us that when we take a revolver, fill all the chambers with bullets, put the gun to our head and pull the trigger, nothing will happen to us because we are invincible.

My recovery has taught me to pick up the phone, go to a meeting, call my sponsor or reach out my hand to a fellow addict. If WE do his one day at a time we might make it through that one day clean and sober.

16

I turned 16 years clean and sober yesterday. I am grateful to be alive. 16 years ago I could barely walk or talk. I did not know which planet I was on and I did not care as long as a got the next fix. I had lost every 'thing', my house, my company, my wife and most of my stuff. What I had lost the most was me. I no longer had me. I had arrived at a crossroad in my using. There were two options and no more BS gray areas. Option one was to use until I died and option two was to get clean. There was no in between for me at that place in time.

The last glass bowl of meth that I smoked should have killed me. My belief is that God let me live. I am forever grateful for my life today.

We are all proof that we can stay clean a day at a time. The only requirement is a desire to stay clean.

Unconditional

We all get caught up in the illusion of love. We are bombarded daily with how we should look, the type of car we should drive, the clothes we should wear and the type of house we should have. The list can go on forever of all the should's that we need in order to be accepted. The 'should's' ring shallow. Because no matter what you do or what you have there will always be someone who has done more and has more than you.

The question of the day is can you be okay just the way that you are warts and all?No one is perfect. I had all of the 'stuff' and was not happy in my addiction. Today I have no-thing and I am happy. My wife for a long while was very sick and almost died. The lesson was about true unconditional love. It was not about how 'good' she looked or how 'sexy' she is or even how 'smart' she is. At that moment we were stripped down to the core of our spirits, our moment of truth; what mattered was our love. Our love has no conditions on it.

The difficult part as addicts in recovery is learning to love ourselves unconditionally. The process is one of accepting are character defects and through the steps learning to change. Each year of my recovery has been one where the onion layers are peeled away. The Universe continues to teach me that we can all be more real, honest and unconditionally loving.

Friday

I got to speak at a Friday night meeting this past Friday. It was a lesson. The most noticeable issue was that there were only two other people in the meeting who got to recovery before I did. The other side is that many people who came into recovery after me, are still here. That shows me that it still works. The thing that amazed me the most, is that after the meeting was over everyone left and only 4 of us stayed to pickup chairs. Sometimes that is how recovery is these days. Many of the kids that were there that night are young, very young. What is beautiful is they are enthusiastic about recovery. They are seeing what I saw when I got clean and sober which is that you can have fun, laugh and have a life.

When we hit bottom, many of us lose everything. What we really lose is ourselves. You can get 'stuff' back. If you don't get you back then all the 'stuff' doesn't matter and you can lose the 'stuff' and you in a heart beat.

I am grateful to be clean today.

When I was using I didn't get to do anything except get loaded. At no point did I ever question my sanity. I thought everyone was using 24/7 and I saw nothing wrong with being in the bathroom at 3AM trying to weld together three broken glass pipes in order to make one pipe that worked. The stories of our insanity go on and on. However if you can stand back and stop using for a simple 24 hours you might one day laugh at how crazed you were. You might begin to recognize that you 'came to' and that as long as you don't drink or use today you have been restored to 'sanity'.

Today I get to talk with the mom who raised me. I get to go food shopping and spend time with my wife. I don't have to do anything. I can chose to get loaded and go back to not getting to do anything.

Each moment is precious. Be grateful for all the moments that you get to have.

One

When I awake every morning I re-member that I am an addict and get to begin my day by giving my will and my life over to God. When I do that my day is so much easier. If I told you that I have that all down after almost 16 years clean and sober. That would be a lie. What we all do is receive a daily reprieve from our addiction and we practice doing the footwork each day to maintain our recovery.

I have watched too many people over the years not work their recovery daily. When we forget for even a nano-second that we are addicts that is when our Ego's and our disease, hand in hand will stop by and say to us 'you can do just one.' Again I have seen too many people, our teachers, who did just one and never came back.

Grateful for today

Today we have a life. We got to have a yard sale, meet new people and laugh. What didn't happen is we did not wake up in a jail cell in an Orange Jumpsuit like a friend of mine. We didn't come to and not know where we are or how we arrived there. We weren't blinded by the bright orange suits and we didn't have to eat bologna sandwiches. We don't have people walking around in uniforms telling us when to get up, when to use the bathroom and when to go to sleep; who are carrying loaded weapons. We aren't walking around worrying about an insane crazed cell mate who threatens to kill us today.

We are grateful we aren't living that nightmare. At the same time I have no delusions that but for Gods grace that could be us. I do not walk around thinking I am better than anyone else. Any level of Ego can get me loaded. If we get loaded then we seriously risk waking up seeing orange and eating bologna sandwiches. Just for today.

The Bottom

We all have a different bottom. Mine was when I realized that I had two choices. They were to die or live and get clean. All of the grey areas and lies were gone. I have seen many addicts over the years with many different bottoms. Some are high bottoms where they have not lost much of who they are and then low bottoms where they have completely lost who they are as a person.

I am sad tonight because I am watching a dear friend crash from up over the arc, the space where we leave the pull of gravity and enter outer space. He now has to fall all the way to earth and I am not sure he will not burn up as he reenters the atmosphere. He may have done so much damage to himself through his alcohol and drug use that he will never get back.

Unfortunately that is what we do to ourselves and of course to all the others in our life that we never think about. What I re-member each day is that it is all a gift and that each of us is a student and teacher. As I stated before I do not judge, I work to be the student learning from the teacher. Is everyone listening to the message?

Perception

We have a disease of perception. My brain will tell me that the next indicated step is a brilliant idea. My sponsor has taught me that if 'I' 'think' that I have a 'good' idea I need to call him and that if I think I have a great idea I need to call 3 other fellow addicts and ask them what they think of my great idea. Usually when WE discuss my 'great idea' WE decide that I am crazy.

My friend is still in deep trouble. However we are doing the footwork. We have seen too many people recently who are jumping on the band wagon of guilty without a trail by his peers. Should anyone of us, because of our addiction, end up in jail with serious charges against us, my prayer would be that we are presumed innocent until proven guilty.

Again that disease of perception keeps showing up for us. I do not judge my friend. Friendship is forever, not just a fleeting thought for the moment.

Drugs gone wild

My friend was arrested again the other day. He made it out of jail but a few hours and we all know how difficult it is to score drugs when you get out of jail at 1AM in the morning. Especially in Santa Ana California. The sad part is my friend needs help and at the same time he is facing serious charges that may result in extensive prison time.

It always saddens me when I see another brother or sister that may have completely destroyed their life because of their addiction to drugs and alcohol. What I re-member daily is that but for our Higher Powers' grace go you or I.

What I look for are the lessons. First is to love unconditionally. The second is not judge and the third is to learn from the experience. We are all students and we are all teachers.