'Normal'

We have a friend who is a major in the Marines. He is in Afghanistan fighting for our freedom. May we pray for him this Memorial Day and all the soldiers around the world who make this day possible. I bring up my friend on this blog because he is 'normal'. He will have a drink every once in awhile. A while for him could be a month or two. When I was drinking and using a nano-second of not using was a long time. When I first got clean and sober I was amazed that 95% of the population or more was not using 24 hours per day, 7 days a week and 365 days of the year. That thought was beyond my comprehension. Today, in spite of my addiction I no longer understand why we 'think' we need to put something in our bodies to have 'fun'. There are many people who will wake up tomorrow hungover and or strung out. What I am grateful for is that as long as I don't pick up the rest of today, then should my Higher Power see fit to have me here tomorrow, I will not be waking up asking myself, "Where am I, how did I get here, where is my car and who are you?

May you have a blessed day.

Tools

I have had long talks recently about listening to my spirit and the battle when my ego shows up and wants to destroy my day. What I have learned is to step back and listen to my spirit and to pray for a loving thought. When we do that it is difficult for and delusion of 'control' to be ruining another moment by taking us out of the moment.

As my recovery has evolved I recognize that chaos no longer excites me and anger is an emotion that leaves me strung out. These two events hold no weight for me. It is only when we let go of our egos and are of service to others that we become free and are filled with the light of the Universe.

Through daily practice, moments of extreme connectedness with my Higher Power come about. Those moments are precious and I embrace them.

We all have the tools to stay clean and sober today. If we do not apply them we may not be here should tomorrow get here.

Spirit

I have watched people come into recovery all beat up, stomped and fearful. None of us know how to live clean and sober. It is a 'daily reprieve from active addiction' that we are all granted. My experience is that people who, no matter how raged or twisted, slowly change through the steps.

Many people who were fools when they were using, once they get clean are still fools. The below the line is how bad do you want to get clean. Are you willing to do what ever it takes to get clean and sober? Or are you only going to 'try' it out?

One does not 'try' out recovery. You are in recovery or you are not. There is no in between for us. My life begins with the first step. If I do not continue to left, right, left then my ego will keep me stuck in the past and the misery that we so quickly create. My life today has every thing to do with recovery and no-thing to do with recovery. My spirit leads me.

Ask your self ' if the program disappears tomorrow' are you going to still stay clean and sober and follow your spiritual path? Are you still going to listen to your spirit and be of service to others.

Insanity

The definition of insanity for an addict is doing the same thing over and over again and then expecting different results. We will hit our head until it is bloody on a wall. We will then go to the hospital, get our head patched up, then we will run back to the wall and start banging our head against it again.

I spoke with another addict today who is coming out of jail for the umpteenth time. If I had a penny for all of us who have done the same thing we would all be rich. I have worked with individuals who have come to in the hospital, pulled out all of the tubes, then headed back to to liquor store and or their dealer.

Any time we 'think' that we can handle our disease one more time. We might as well lay Russian Roulette with a completely loaded weapon. The way we think We would tell ourselves that the gun won't go off and then when it does we would blame the gun, just like we blame the disease.

Each day I am amazed at the level of self destruction we take ourselves to in our addiction. At some level we have a sense of the chaos and harm to others that we are doing through our drug and alcohol level. Yet we do not care about ourselves let alone anyone else.

Recovery is a slow journey in learning self love through our love and compassion for others. When we get out of self and realize that 'we are not who we thought we are' then we can begin the healing process.

We take each day a step at a time in learning to love and to be loved.

We forget that our addictions have ripple effects on our families and the people around us. The sad part is that not only is the individual addicted so is the family. The family keeps trying to 'save' their family member. What many families end up doing is loving the addict to death. This disease will kill you eventually, or send you to jail or to an institution. It becomes necessary for all of us to learn to set clear boundaries to the addict in active addiction. If we do not do that otherwise; we may be signing their death certificate.

As a family member you get to get help yourself. Get your self to an Al-anon meeting. What you will learn like all addicts is that you are not alone.

Fools on the Hill

I watched another brother lost in his disease yesterday. The smell of death was all around him. When we tell the first lie to ourselves the lies to others are easy. I know that people die from the disease. What is sad is the we can make a choice to stop we can reach out to one another.

My friend was arrested doing 120 mph down the freeway. Once more he broke out in handcuffs. He is a beautiful teacher. Through him we learn what not to do and to have unconditional love for others. We are all students we are all teachers.