Hooray for those of us who have undergone several rehabs to come to a point of surrender. We are a special breed of addict and I commiserate completely with this phenomenon. Today I found myself angry and at the defense of one of my friends who has been to seven different treatment facilities and continues to struggle with relapse. What kind of mental hoops do we have to jump through in order to continue using with a clear conscience? The truth for me after two years of on and off treatment, is that I cannot-with a quiet conscience-get high. I consider it to be somewhat of a blessing because I come back to the rooms of AA and CA much faster. "Whatever it takes", is the response I seem to get the most. All I know is that every time I relapse I come back dripping teardrops and hyperventilating. It's simply not what it was in the beginning. God wants me to be sober-getting fucked up is not really an option for me anymore. And yet, it is. Using or not using is always a choice. I'm too smart; I'm too aware of my own lies and I've been exposed to some of my potential as a young recovering meth addict. I never lose patience with anyone who has a problem with relapse, in fact I tend to welcome them warmly because I have been there.
~Jasmin
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