Desire

I watch each day as new comers and old timers stop wanting to stay clean and sober. We fail to realize that should we pick-up again we are playing with a gun fully loaded and with a bullet in the chamber and that we may not make it back.

We are willing to die for our addiction, are we willing to die for our recovery?

doc

Desire

When we cut through all of our 'Excuses' for using. We get down to the below the line of desire. How bad do you want to get clean and how bad do you want to stay clean?

Moments

If we do not have the experiences of each moment then we not here. We are lost in the depths of our own drug induced insanity. Our 'sane' reaction to the insane world of our own minds. It is only when we Change our dream through surrender that we are then free from the prisons of our mind.

doc

rehab

The last 24hours have been extremly interesting, people showing in my path seems to be meaningful and intrigueing. If I wasn't in treatment right now I question whether such a soul would have came to me and If they did would I have the sanity to recognize these gifts? Today I will see my blessings...
-Carly

5th Rehab

Hooray for those of us who have undergone several rehabs to come to a point of surrender. We are a special breed of addict and I commiserate completely with this phenomenon. Today I found myself angry and at the defense of one of my friends who has been to seven different treatment facilities and continues to struggle with relapse. What kind of mental hoops do we have to jump through in order to continue using with a clear conscience? The truth for me after two years of on and off treatment, is that I cannot-with a quiet conscience-get high. I consider it to be somewhat of a blessing because I come back to the rooms of AA and CA much faster. "Whatever it takes", is the response I seem to get the most. All I know is that every time I relapse I come back dripping teardrops and hyperventilating. It's simply not what it was in the beginning. God wants me to be sober-getting fucked up is not really an option for me anymore. And yet, it is. Using or not using is always a choice. I'm too smart; I'm too aware of my own lies and I've been exposed to some of my potential as a young recovering meth addict. I never lose patience with anyone who has a problem with relapse, in fact I tend to welcome them warmly because I have been there.
~Jasmin